Day 38: No More Cheat Days

Soooo...I'm a little behind. I went out of town Saturday and Sunday to Nashville to see the Colts beat the Titans! I had a blast. I still worked out and got my steps in (Sunday), but the rest of the weekend I laid around eating and soaking up the mini vacay!

Then, Yelp had an event at Smashburger. I hopped on the scale and 252 scowls at me. It's like I can't shake it. No matter how hard I work, 252 stays on the scale. I'm sick of this! I'm tired of getting up at 6 in the morning and eating like a bird for 4-5 days straight only to ruin it with one or two days of "cheating" or to put it more bluntly gluttony.

My goal is to lose 20 lbs by the end of the year. At that rate I was going working out, I should be at least halfway there, but nope. I feel so fat. I'm frustrated and angry with myself for allowing myself to gain all of this weight that now seems impossible to lose.

I obviously need to get more serious. To see the results I want. 40 days of working out and only 8lbs gone is pathetic. Especially since I lost 7 in the first week. I know i should be ecstatic about the fact I made it 30 days without missing a single day at the gym, but I just envisioned losing more. What I will NOT do is throw in the towel. I have to be level headed here and take all things into consideration:

1. The scale is the Devil

2. I've made strides toward my goal

3. I see a difference

4. I'm healthier and stronger

5. I'm beautiful and smart regardless

Now...shake this pity party off and get back to it. October is going to be more focused! By the end of the year I will have a new body. 

There are 12 weeks left in this year (sheesh...it's almost over)

Day 33: Away Game

Ok, so after my volunteerism last night, I found myself at TGI Friday's eating an All American Stacked burger.  Someone help me please!!!  I know that set me back two months, but I got up this morning and hit the treadmill.  Why have I been avoiding the stairmaster and the elliptical?  Hmmm, I need to revisit them next week aka Charged Up.  Arms and abs and I'm out this piece.

Not enough though...I decided to go to the LA Fitness by my brother because I have something to do out his way. They have a Spin class on Wednesday evening and my gym doesn't. Back to the nice gym, with the nice equipment and all the well-toned gym rats. 

THE AWAY GAME

Ok, this spinning class was a test of my endurance and will power.  I had to fight mentally to stay the course. Not only was the class intense and challenged all of my gluteus maximus and entire legs to show up and show the F out!  I was dripping with sweat everywhere. I drank two bottles of water throughout the class. Just when I thought it was over, the Pastor posting as the cycling instructor said "Let's do one more song."  Ok, I got one more song in me.  Then, she says it again...and one more time.  By the time the cool down happened, we had been there an extra 15-20 minutes.  

Why?  Why do you play mind games with me?  Why do you not tell me that the class is really an hour and 15 to 20 minutes?  Do you think I will not sign up?  Well, you're right, but that's not the point.  I was expecting 50 minutes and got much more.  BUT, yes, there's a big BUTT!  I did it!  I never thought I could do it and a month ago I don't know if I would've been able to.  

Day 32: The Detox is Dead

I tried to follow the detox regimen, but after four days, I got off track.  I still drink water with lemons and cucumber everyday.  I still try to drink a gallon a day as well.  That is good enough for me.  I am trying to do so much that it is going to make me exhausted with this and I am NOT going to quit this time.

I got up and went to the gym at 6:30 am as usual.  I worked out on the treadmill interval training.  I am able to run longer than when I first started and I am able to increase my speed a little on the inclines.  I worked out my arms and abs and bounced.  

I should have done more because I have to volunteer tonight and I am going to miss spin class.  Nooooo!!!  That means unless I drive out East (or go to another location closer to me) I am not going to spin until Thursday.  No classes are on Friday and I will be out of town on Saturday.  

Hahahaha...I just laughed at myself reading the panic of not exercising enough.  This is a beautiful transition.  I think I am going to be alright.  I will just start fresh next Monday.  No need stressing about it.  If I can make it to another class, great...if not, then it is what it is. Plus, I still have not done any of the Nike Training Club at home.  I have to start incorporating that too.  Pretty soon the streets are going to be covered in snow and who knows what my level of motivation will be then.

Day 31: No Headphones

Nothing is worse than getting to the gym and noticing you forgot your headphones...well, your phone dying is pretty bad too. I got up and drove all the way to the gym only to see that I did not have my headphones.  Somehow I still made it 45 minutes without them.  I skipped the weights and headed home because Spin is tonight.  

However, somehow I made it out to my bro's house and we went out to eat at First Watch.  Very good for you breakfast food.  I had a kale tonic that was really good.  I ate eggs, bacon and half of a waffle.  I know...I am going to feel all of that in class later.  It was really good though.  I love eating there.  One of my favorite breakfast places.  My numero uno has to be Cafe Patachou.  Sheesh! Just typing the restaurants name makes me want some right now! 

I went to the LA Fitness close to my bro and it is much nicer than my home gym.  All of their equipment is newer.  The cardio machines upstairs all have tvs attached to them.  They are lucky...they don't have to look at Donald Trump's hair while trying to get some exercise!  CNN is the only station that seems to be on, but I think there's Channel 4, the worst news station in Indy and ESPN.  At 6 or 7am, there isn't much on any way.  The Spin class was huge and there were tons of bikes.  

Now this instructor was something else.  She was up walking around singing her songs.  Jay-z Empire State of Mind came on and she said "But I ain't a Crip though."  I thought I was going to fall off of my bike.  This is a 50-something year old white woman.  I don't know if I am just petty, but it tickled me.  Her class was more intense, I thought.  She did more jumps and booty work.  It was hard to follow because she was reading the gears differently than Mandy because they have newer bikes.  Grrrrr!!!  

I had a great workout and I really like that gym, but I don't know if I can drive over 30 miles just to workout.  Maybe once a week, but more than that is too much.  OHHHH!!! How could I forget this detail?  I forgot my headphones again!  Uggghhhh!!!! I could not believe it.  I remember pulling them out of my bag, but I must have set them down immediately after and once again I did not notice until I was at the gym.  I am going to invest in a second pair to keep in the car just in case.

Day 30: Can't Stop Won't Stop

There is nothing significant to write today other than I MADE IT 30 DAYS!!  No one cares or is celebrating.  No one is giving me a pat on the back.  It;s just me celebrating and that is all that matters.  This is the first time in my life that I have worked out this much.  I am going to try and make it all the way through September before I take a rest day.  That day is going to feel sooooo good lol.  Maybe, maybe not.  Maybe this is my routine now and I won't be able to skip a day until I reach my goal.  Who knows?  All I know is that I have proven to myself that I can accomplish my goals.  I just have to stay focused and motivated and lean on God when I feel weak.  

Day 29: My World is Spinning

Up and at 'em again at 9 in the morning.  Off to Spin class to burn mucho calories!  Yeahhhh!!!  The thing about Cycling class is that it is not getting any easier.  Mentally, yes...physically, heck NO!  I wanted to hop off that bike after 10 minutes, but Mandy keeps you focused on how much time you have left on those heavy hills and when a recovery is coming.  I need to have 4 bottles of water with me.  I could probably finish a bottle in the first ten minutes.  It's all good.  I have come to hate when I have to miss a class.  I love it!

I get off the bike knowing that I pushed myself and had a good workout.  I can see a difference in my jeans.  Makes me feel a whole lot better because the number on the scale has not budged in 3 weeks.  I don't know what that's about, but I am not gonna keep dwelling on it.  

I bought a new scale after the last one went ka-put!  Got a new fancy shmancy one that measures body fat % too.  I opened it and weighed a 10lb weight on the scale to make sure it was calibrated properly.  It read 10.4 lbs. Good enough for me.  So, I hopped on and it read 246.  That is like 4-6 lbs less than what I have been seeing constantly.  I tried again...246 lbs again!  Oh my, oh my...one more time...250.  What?!  The next day was 252 and has been ever since.  The struggle is real...but definitely worth it.  I am not throwing the towel in after 30 days!

One week left until my trip.  I am still trying to decide if I want to leave Friday night or Saturday morning.  If I leave Friday, I will have more time to kick up my feet and relax...do my hair...read...disconnect from the world.  If I leave Saturday, I will have time to workout before I go.  I am going to cheat eat this weekend, so I have to be on my best behavior the week leading up to my departure.  I am so excited.  I wish I was there now.

Day 26: What more can I do?

It's definitely time to incorporate some meditation and prayer. I should be doing that anyway, but I have let myself get distracted with other things.  I wake up every morning, get dressed, go workout, come home and shower and work.  That routine is working, but I also need to stay encouraged and uplifted.  I need to always remember that my body is a temple. I have not taken care of myself the way that I should have.  Growing up overweight and seeing other family members pass or be diagnosed with diabetes is a clear reason to stay focused

I have a Bible app on my phone called You Version.  There are days that are harder than others, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13. It may seem cliché to say that, but that is what I need to say to myself.  I need to sit and reflect on what I am doing and how it will change my life.  This is not a diet.  This is a lifestyle change.  I can't lose this weight and then go stock up on Doritos.

I have to trust the Lord will guide me and protect me from losing sight from why I really need to be doing this.  I have my affirmations posted on my bathroom walls.  It is good to see it, but my mind needs a workout too.

I did not get to this point from pure laziness. My mind was triggered by an event or a series of events that caused an emotional reaction to eat. Eating was my escape and my comfort. Couple that with working from home and freezing cold temperatures that kept me in the house for months...sounds like an equation for disaster.

Yoga is supposed to be good for meditation, but I'm so uncoordinated and off balance that my entire time at yoga is me focusing on not falling. So that's out of the window. I'm going to try and block out 15-30 minutes a day for prayer reflection and meditation. I don't want to have a new body and the same mind.

Day 28: TGIF

Friday's there are no classes at the gym but plenty of invitations to go out to eat and drink and be merry...from all of my skinny friends of course.

I declined all and decided to go to the gym late Friday. Perfect time to go. It's like early AM...it's a ghost town. 

Only a week til my trip! I must've had some energy that was awoke from the thought of being in another city. I ran intervals on the treadmill and alternated with some inclines. I shocked myself and was elated to see my endurance has increased. I didn't do any weights though. Gotta be back to the gym in 12 hours...

Day 27: Girl Power

I powered through another cycling class and I'm feeling much stronger. There was an SUV that cut me off on my way to the gym. Instead of acting belligerent, I just kept driving. Turned out she was coming to the gym as well and sat next to me in cycling.

She lives in Carmel but drives her kid out here for something every week. We coached each other through the class and were happy we made it through. 

There were 4 newbies. Two guys and 2 girls. They were all in the row in front of us. The girls only made it 10 minutes and walked out. Surprised everyone. I don't think they had any idea what they were getting themselves into. They stayed at the gym. So hopefully they still worked out.

As for me, I've got a new buddy to keep me motivated on Thursdays. That is a late class. It's hard to not eat before that class too. I don't want a full stomach getting on that bike.

Day 25: Waterlogged

I have ben a drinking a gallon of water ever since I started this exercise routine.  At the gym, no problem.  It is actually pretty easy to do.  When I am sweating like crazy, the first thing I want to do is take a big drink of water.  I have knocked out three bottles of water before at the gym.  At home, not so much.  It takes discipline.  I have been using My Fitness Pal and it allows you to log how much water you have had.  That is the best way for me to stay on track.  The worst is going half of the day and only having had one bottle of water.  If I am drinking 16 oz bottles a day, that means I will need to drink 8 of those to reach my goal.

My routine has been to keep a bottle of water next to my bed so that is the first thing I grab in the morning.  It also helps to make my belly feel not so empty and making me overeat for breakfast.  Then, I fill up a 24 oz sports bottle to take with me to the  gym.  I try to drink two of those when I am there or 2 or 3 16 oz water bottles.  Then, I make sure every couple hours I am finishing another bottle. 

Know what else happens every couple of hours? I'm running to the bathroom! My hands are always dry from the constant washing. I keep lotion on my desk and in my car. Probably need one in my purse too. Lol sometimes I stand up, wash my hands, only to have to use the bathroom again. Those are the days that I wait to late to get my water in. My bladder has adjusted thoug so it's not as bad as when I first started. Now my body doesn't like when I'm not hydrated. My lips get dry and I wake up in the middle of the night searching for some water...or to use the bathroom! Sheesh

Cycle class again today. I get a slight break tomorrow. Cycling again on Thursday and Saturday. The way my clothes are drenched when I get off this bike, I feel like I should be dropping weight like crazy. We'll see...I'm going to restart my squats and abs challenge the top of October. 

Day 24: The Aftermath - What the Heck is a Detox?

Only on the day after filled with eating and drinking and laughing can you experience The Aftermath workout.  It's when you go to the gym despite the headache.  You go an extra 15 minutes because you are secretly hoping it burns an extra 100 calories.  You fall asleep sitting up at work. This is what happened to me Monday.  I went hard in my cycling class because I missed my early AM workout.  It's cool.  I was cautious about what I ate and did not let the weekend slow me down. 

I feel like Cycling is the best workout I can do, but I wonder if there are other things I should be doing.  Of course I do some strength training, but I really don't know what I am doing and if I am doing it effectively.  I need to put some time and effort into researching what else I can do.  I have been seeing people posting HIIT workouts.  A couple years ago everyone was doing crossfit.  I can't keep up.  I just want to stay consistent and keep at it. 

I have been seeing what seems like thousands of Detox challenges.  3-Day, 7-Day and 10-Day.  The benefits are supposed to clean your body of toxins, give you more energy and give your plateaued workout a boost.  How do I know which one to do? How do I know which one is the right one for me?  How do I know if this is safe?  Should I really only be drinking something for 7 days straight and still working out?  How do I keep the weight from coming back after I start eating again?

So many questions...

I found one that I have seen a lot online.  All the ingredients are natural, so it seems safe.  I think I will start tomorrow.  It says you should see a difference in 10 days:

The directions say to add the ingredients below to 1 - 1 1/4 cup of water and store overnight.  Then drink in the morning 3o minutes before eating.

3 slices of cucumber
Half of a lemon
1/2 tbsp grated ginger
3-4 mint leaves
1/2 tbsp honey

Then, I found this slight variation to drink all day. I think this will work better for me.  I am going to see if I am feeling more energetic and if it makes a difference in my routine now.

Made it to Cycling class and rocked out.  I can feel myself getting stronger.  When I have been using the weight machines, I have also been able to increase the weight.  I'm on my way.  Gotta keep on pushin!!!

Day 23: Family, Friends and Love

This has been a great weekend for me.  My cousin took me out to eat at a Japanese Steak House on Friday night.  Saturday, one of my friends called me out of the blue to come hang out with her and her daughter.  Sunday was my brother's birthday party and the Yelp White Party!  I would be lying if I said I was on my best behavior each night, but I know I was not.  I did better than usual.  I ate smaller portions and made sure to still workout. 

I have to find a balance of interacting with my friends and family and eating healthy.   It is a very hard task to conquer...for me.  I completely refused the candy and snacks on Saturday with my friend.  My brother BBQ'd and I did get a hamburger, but nothing else.  There were chips and sodas and cake, but I steered clear of that.  Partially because of self control, but mostly because of the damage that was to follow at the White Party.  OMG!!  I probably set myself back a week from all of the food there. 

I have been having these moments where everything I eat is lingering in my head.  I don't want to become obsessed with what I eat to the point it seems like it's a task.  I want to eat healthy, but I don't want to give up everything that I like forever.  I know with how hard I have been working out I should have lost more weight than this, but it I am struggling with giving up the foods that are working against me.  Spending time with my family does not have to necessarily throw me off of track, I just need to mentally prepare myself for the triggers. 

I had so much fun with everyone that I spent time with and I cannot sacrifice the time that is not always promised just to avoid eating "bad food."  I found this online that I am going to try and use as a guide for everyday eating.  #10 is the hardest for me.  When I look in the mirror, I am not happy.  When I see photos of myself, I am not happy.  I want to see progression. 

Day 22: Did I Really Just Workout 3 weeks in a Row?

It is time to celebrate!!  Woo Hooo!!!  This is the longest I have ever worked day after day in my life.  I am a week away from a month straight.  I am more proud of my determination than I am of the changes I am seeing in my clothes and skin.  Don't get me wrong.  I am definitely feelin myself with these 10 pounds gone, but I have a lot more work to do. 

Today I hit an early morning Cycling class and enjoyed the rest of my Saturday.  I have forgotten about the squat and abs challenge.  I was doing it before bed at night and just got off track.  It's ok.  I think I will just start it over.  It certainly can't hurt! 

I am going to Nashville later this month and looked online and there is not an LA Fitness in the city.  That is strange.  The things we take for granted lol!  Well, I am sure that there is an exercise room in the hotel.

Day 21: Motivational nouns - People, Places & Things

Let's talk motivation. My motivation is to look good and get back to my old size.  I know they say you should be confident in the skin you're in, but that has not always been the case for me.  I was heavier when I was younger and kids are cruel.  That stuck with me forever. Literally. The things that people say linger in my brain far more than necessary and that will be another day that I get into how to handle that. 

Today, I want to talk about the people, places and things that motivate me.  Number one is beautiful, black women.  Venus Williams is 6'1" like me, but her sister Serena Williams is 5'9" and I can't help, but look at her in awe every time I see her.  She has glowed up, as my daughter would say.  She is stunning.  Beauty, brains and a bangin ass booty...oops, I meant body! My motivation is not to replicate her physique because it is her job to workout and we don't have the same genetics...however, seeing her in this "Serene" pose like she does this while playing Candy Crush is motivation to me because I love what a body can do.  How will I ever know what my body can do sitting on the couch.  Furthermore, I am 37 and not getting any younger and I want to do a photo shoot.  My sister does them all the time.  I have not taken any professional pictures of myself since I was in high school.  Trust I will not be doing the splits like this goddess below, but I will definitely be showing off my hard work!

Number two "Oh, the places you'll go!"  I have isolated myself for about a year and a half hiding from friends and family embarrassed by all of the weight I have gained.  No trips to the beach.  No road trips to Atlanta to see my friends.  Nothing.  I sit here in this house wearing sweat pants and tank tops bored, lonely and getting fatter.  I have started venturing out to see more of my friends and family and of course, the Yelp events lol, but I think a beach would be the best reward.  I have seen a lot of posts on how to get rid of cellulite and flatten your belly.  A lot of women are doing wraps and waist trainers, but nothing works better than old fashioned exercise.  I will focus on those later.

 

Number three: Things...Cuz we are living in a material world and I am a material girl.  Confession time: Yes, I am a little of a label whore, but not really.  I put all my wants aside for the last 18 years to make sure my needs were met for me and my daughter.  I was not going to be one of those moms that is draped in the latest and the lights are off or wearing weave all down my back and my baby's hair was not combed.  Nope.  That is just trifling and I feel sorry for any child that has to endure that.  Now that my baby is a full grown woman, time to treat myself to some nice things.  Not necessarily going on a shopping spree because as I mentioned before I have 17 pairs of jeans that are waiting to hug my hips, but that was two years ago and some of them are not in style anymore. 

 

These may not be the right reasons to some, but they are my reasons and whatever helps me live a longer, healthier life then by all means, so be it!

 

Hit the gym early AM and got on the treadmill and did some weights.  No classes today.  Cycling tomorrow at 9:15am!

 

Day 20: Fitness Friends - Workout 2.0

In my opinion, for any long-term task to be successful, you need some sort of support. Now the mistake that I made is looking to my friends and family to give a damn about my struggle. They have their own struggles that deem more important than my fat woes. I have friends that are struggling with their weight and don't want to go to the gym with me because I live so far. Family members that are overweight and don't care will tell you that you look fine just the way you are.  I told a co-worker that I was tired from getting up at 5:45 to go to the gym and she said "Stop girl! That is just not worth it."  That was pretty funny. Then, there are the friends that have canned responses and send links to sites for weight loss, but sometimes I need to see a face or vent about how much my butt hurts!!

I found it easier to find people that are on the same journey.  I am a very private person, so the easiest way is finding people online.  I follow fitness groups on IG and FB and Twitter.  Not only do I get motivation, I am able to share my progression.  I recently joined a private group on FB Workout 2.0. There are thousands of people sharing their stories of weight loss, muscle gain, clean eating, workouts, challenges.  It is amazing to see really.  So many people learning from each other and motivating each other. There are a few assholes that have been working out and clean eating for 20+ years that have smart ass comments, but they are outnumbered.

In cycling class today, my fitness instructor, Mandy, walked up to me and asked what happened to my buddies that used to come with me.  I was shocked she remembered me from my few appearances over the summer.  But what I appreciated the most was her comment after I explained they will not be joining me anymore: "It doesn't matter.  You're here now and you're doing great.  You have all of us here for support."  People in the class smiled and nodded.  Gave me a tremendous push and I coasted through that class! 

 

I know that in the end, it is me that has to get to the gym, but having those pats on the back and words of encouragement are always good.  Besides, you never know the next persons story.  My presence may be helping someone too. 

 

My workout today:

Morning:

treadmill and stairclimber

Arms

 

Evening:

Cycling

Abs

 

30 day challenge:

25 sit ups

30 crunches

45 squats

Day 19: Mind Control and Self-Discipline

Today was the worst day I have had so far in these past couple of weeks.  I did not wake up and go to the gym like I have been doing.  I was exhausted.  My body was tired and sore and I was just sleepy.  My cousin came over to hang out and I ran to the gym to get my workout in.  I did 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  When I got home I noticed I did not have my Fitbit on.  I went into complete panic mode. 

I called LA Ftness.  No one had turned it in.  So, I went up there and retraced my steps.  Nowhere to be found.  Then, I went to Walmart to see if I could find it there.  I went to Customer Service first and someone had turned it in.  Whaaaa???  It restored a little of my faith in humans and Walmart LOL.  I just knew I woould not find it there.  Walmart stores are approximately 150,000 (or more) sq. ft.  My Fitbit looks to be about 2 inches.  You wanna talk about someone that is happy.  I was skipping through the store.  Of course, I felt obligated to buy something...Walmart is such a trap :)

Anyway, I did not make it to the Zumba class at 5:45.  Instead I went to a Yelp event at this new gourmet grocery store Market District.  When I tell you it was a complete and total set up for anyone trying to lose weight with no self-control...I don't think I can make myself clear with words...Here are just a few pictures to describe my downfall

I dare not complain about the food itself because it was fabulous.  The first picture is Lobster Tootsie Rolls.  When I say I could eat those like popcorn, I am not playing. The best food item I had. Then, there was the dessert bar, fresh meats, cheeses and fruits and an entire room dedicated to sausage.  Pumpkin sausage, jalapeno cheddar sausage.  Luckily everything was served in samples, but when you have as many samples as I did, it constitutes as dinner.  I have to learn better self control.  It is ok to taste these items, but one taste should be my limit.  Just as I talk myself through the time during the workout, I need to do the same when I go out to eat.

 

The Yelp event definitely took more out of me than I anticipated and I woke up feeling sick from all the food I ate and it slowed me down during my workout. Hey, shit happens. This is no reason to throw in the towel. 

In my past, I've cried and beat myself up for messing up. Then, that would lead to binge eating and weighing myself like a maniac. Soon to find myself back to square one. Not exercising, not eating right and all the weight that I had lost back +5 lbs. Nah, not going out like that this time.

I accepted my mistake. Called it an official cheat day because even the most focused weight lifters and fitness gurus have a day...or a meal. Plus, how can I not reward myself for all my hard work? This is a process that will not fail from 1 or 2 slip ups. Remembering that is the key to success. 

I could've done better at my workout today, but instead of dwelling on it, I am thankful that I still made it to the gym.  I am taking this one day at a time and will not let one evening of sinful dining discourage me.  There is another Yelp event on Sunday.  There will be plenty of food and wine.  I am going to make sure to steer clear of the wine and drink plenty of water.  Now, I can't say I will be as skilled in refusing the good foods, but I will definitely only be tasting.  I made three kinds of mini cheesecakes (Lemon Blueberry, Chocolate Chip and Turtle).  They look delicious, but I have not tried any of them...and don't plan on it.  They are in the freezer!

Day 18: The scale is the devil!

I weighed myself and I am 10 pounds lighter than when I started.  Yes, I am wishing that I could lose all of this weight overnight.  It felt like I gained it all overnight.  I am positive that if I eat a single cracker, I will gain 15 pounds back.  That is how it seems to be going.  I know better than to trust the scale.  It has almost been 3 weeks and although 10 pounds is great, my weight fluctuates from day-to-day. 

A surefire way to get discouraged is to weigh yourself more than once a week.  I know some people that never weigh themselves.  Why? Because the scale is the devil.  Muscle weighs more than fat and if you are hitting the weights, most likely you are going to gain weight before you lose.  I took my measurements when I first started and took pictures with my sports bra on showing my stomach.  Without hovering over the scale everyday, I was able to see a difference in the clothes that I am wearing.

Another cycling class today with Mandy, my choice instructor, brought the pain. I was about to hop off that bike and walk when one of the vets screamed "My legs are on fire!!"  I don't know why that was the motivation for me to keep going, but it did wonders for me.  It helps to not feel alone on this fitness journey.  I'm good at motivating myself to keep going, but the moments I falter, I feel like I don't have anyone to give me that push I need.  I get canned responses when I do reach out.

I have no support from my friends or family.  I have been here two years and have not worked out with any of my friends once.  My brother tries to be a personal trainer and follows me around telling me how to lift weights, but never does a minute of cardio. My cousin James has an LA Fitness membership, but he is a half hour away from here.

 

I have a long haul ahead of me.  I have to stay focused and not let the mental me stop the physical me.  I have proven to my mental self that I can do it.  So, my physical self just needs to shut my mental self up. This is the first time in my life that I have worked out this consistently.  I know it has only been about two weeks, but it is still an accomplishment that I will acknowledge and praise myself for.  18 days straight at the gym is nothing to overlook. Pretty soon it will be 30 days...I don't even know how long I am going to try and go without missing a day.  I guess I will know when that day comes.

Day 17: I don't wanna go!

Cycling class on a holdiay.  You would think since there were not that many people there and it was a holiday, that the instructor would take it easy on us.  Not a chance!  I think she thought we were all going to leave the class and go drink a case of beer and eat lots of BBQ.  She worked us out to the point that I just wanted it to be over.  

One of my battles during exercise is looking at the clock.  The clock is my worst enemy.  It can really put a damper on my walk on the treadmill if I am tired and breathing hard and see that it's only been 3-5 minutes since the last time I looked.  That's bad, but it is like catastrophic in cycling class.  My legs are burning, my mouth is dry, my clothes are soaked and the only thing I can think of is hopping off of this bike and going home.  So, I refuse to look at the clock knowing that there could be 30 0r 45 minutes left. 
The reason I like cycling class is because it pushes me in ways that I will not do on my own on the treadmill or elliptical.  I have heard so many good things, but also I have heard negative things about cycling.  But isn't that the way the world seems to work?  There will never be 100% positive results in anything.  Not even paternity tests according to Maury. 

I follow a group on Facebook - Workout 2.0 that has different posts from people's weight loss success stories, videos of their workouts and meal plans, people just starting their journey and wanting advice and other kinds of motivation.  What I love about the group is seeing people in the same boat as me and seeing the people that have made a lifestlye change and reached their goals.  What I loathe about the gorup are the arrogant "experts" that critique people's efforts as if what they do is the only way to do it.  I have been close to posting a status putting them in their place, but I do not need the stress of the comments that I am sure will follow. 

All I can do is try my best.  If I don't reach my goal within the time that I would like to, I know that I am healthier and lowering my risk of getting some of the disorders in my family that have led to them going to the hospital or worse, their life ending.

Day 16: Cold Showers

Let's talk about working out in the summertime. There's nothing like running on the treadmill, Zumba or cycling class or just lifting weights and being completely covered in sweat then walking outside in 90° and sun blazing. I immediately turn the air on in my car and hot air blows out forcing me to roll down the windows. I come home turn on the shower and hop in, but after I get out of the shower I am still sweating.  I now realize why people take cold showers.  I have always thought it was weird because I love a hot shower.  So hot that the mirrors are steamed up when you get out.  Now after the gym, it is necessary for me to take a cold shower or I am going to be sweating for the next 30 minutes.  

Sundays are glorious at the gym.  No one is there.  It is like it is all mine.  I love Sundays at the gym.  No awkward glances and lookaways with other people.  No sounds from overachievers on the weights downstairs.  You know what I am talking about.  The 300 pound, all muscle, steroid freak that is growling as he lifts and then drops the weights hoping that someone is looking at him.  No randoms choosing the equipment right next to you and then trying to have a conversation with you.

 

Nope! None of that.  Just me, my music and my thoughts.  Sunday was an easy work out:

10 minutes stairmaster
30 minutes treadmill

I took a break from weights, but not from the abs and squat challenge.  I am on day 12:

45 situps
60 crunches
70 squats

The sit-ups and crunches are getting easier and I can probably do more reps of different ones to target my obliques and lower abs.  I don't think I am using proper form for the squats.  My legs have not been sore since the first couple days of me retiring to workout.  I am going to have o do something.  I hate lunges...only thing I hate more are push-ups.  Why? Because I can't do them.  I should make that part of my weight loss challenge.  I won't worry about it too much as this very minute.  If I keep adding to my workout, I am going to get burned out and quit.

Day 15: Sweating out my press

On Thursday, I got my hair did. I cut my hair almost to the scalp January 2014 and started my natural transition. That should've been my first indication that I am strong enough to lose this weight. Do you know how hard it is to put scissors to your own head and cut?

I remember looking in the mirror, I pulled a very small section of hair from the middle of my head straight up in the air, closed my eyes and cut it. Once I did that, there was no turning back. I had a huge chunk of hair missing that could not be masked unless I rocked a wig. 

Deciding to change to a natural look was a lifestyle change just the same as deciding to develop an exercise routine and change my eating habits. Both take commitment and dedication. My hair is proof of that. It's much longer now. It's healthy. I know that my eating habits and exercising right will make it healthier. 

Creamy crack 2013                 Chopped 2014                           Natural - pressed 2015

 

My hair is fuller, thicker and healthier than its ever been. It's also a lot of maintenance that I'm willing to do to keep it that way...just as I'm going to have to do to reach my goal weight and keep it that way. However, my beautiful hairstyle pictured above only lasted that day because of my workout. The humidity did a number on it, but nothing like that constant  sweating.  My bangs looked like Peppermint Patty after I was done lol.

I will figure out something about my hair later.  My main focus is getting this weight off of me.  I made it to the gym at 9:15 am for Mandy's cycling class.  It was just as intense as always, but I feel better making it to the class than hitting the treadmill where I rarely push myself as hard.  I also did weights today abs and arms.  

Day 14: Progression

Let me just say that I woke up this morning feeling full from the night before and a little upset with myself for eating as much as I did.  What better way to make up for it than to hit the gym.  It's Friday at 6AM in the morning. The early bird gets the worm.  I don't have any plans, but I know better than to chance getting to the gym this evening.  

I have been at this for two weeks straight.  No days off.  Sometimes 2xs a day.  I am serious about improving my health and remodeling my temple.  There are so many reasons why I decided enough was enough and now I wake up knowing that it is time to go to the gym. I do not allow myself time to dwell on how early it is or how sore I am.  Here are my top ten reasons in no particular order:

1. I have 17 pairs of jeans in my closet that I cannot fit
2. I am scared of getting diabetes (it runs in my family) or any other food related health issues
3. I don't like the way my body looks when I am naked
4. I am tired of being tired and out of breath
5. I want to set a better example for my daughter
6. I am paying for this gym membership, why am I not using it?
7. I work from home so I need to get some activity from somewhere
8. I am not depressed anymore.  This extra weight is a reminder of that period of my life
9. The older I get...the harder it will be to lose it
10. I want to see my body fit and toned, not just skinny

I saw a friend yesterday and she immediately noticed I have lost some weight!  Yaaasssss!!! That is why I keep going.  I am obsessed with seeing my body change.  I have not seen a change in the scale, but I feel the difference in my clothes.  

When I got to the gym today, I wanted to change up my routine a little.  I have read that your body adapts to the exercises you do. I am not having that.  I am sure it is too early for me to plateau, but still I want to do different things to keep me motivated and excited about working out.  Once the boredom settles in...that's all she wrote folks! 

My workout:
Stairmaster 10 minutes
Seated leg press (I think that is what it's called...I call it sitting down squats lol)
Abs
Treadmill 50 minutes

Yes, you read that correctly.  I did 50 minutes on the treadmill.  Let me tell you, that incline is no joke either.  I kept wanting to stop and actually did press the stop button at 30 minutes to go get some water, but there was a 45 second countdown until it ended the workout.  I just pressed through it. The worst part about the treadmill is having to watch the tv stations at LA Fitness.  This is the worst!  CNN, ESPN and Channel 4 local news are usually the tvs that are directly in front of me.  I find no motivation in looking at Donald Trump's hair. 


Looking forward to this Labor Day (3-Day) weekend.  I get a break from work, but I will not be taking a break from the gym. And I finished out my day with 

65 squats

40 sit-ups

50 crunches

Day 13: Off Day

I had an off day...I did not take the day off. 

Mama said there'd be days like this...

I was up all night with tummy trouble. I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. Wouldn't you know it as soon as I closed my eyes my alarm went off at a quarter til 6. I fell back asleep, but woke up at 6:30 with that "Oh shoot! I overslept" anxiousness. 

Noooooo! Must.Get.Mo.Sleep.

I didn't want to break my routine so I get up and go to the gym. My body is not happy with my decision. Every exercise I do, cardio and strength, is exhausting and taking a lot out of me. So, I did not get it in the way I would have liked to.  Then, I got home and made me a kale and spinach smoothie only to not twist the top on tight enough.  I dropped it and it went everywhere.  I mean everywhere.  The floor, the tv, the walls, the door, out into the hallway and into the laundry room.  It was an absolute mess!  I wanted to take a pic of how bad it was, but I was too hot and I was running late for an appointment.

I went out to eat with friends for Devour Downtown.  We went to a restaurant called Yardhouse. Poor service, but good food.  Too good food.  I ate way too much of the things that I was not supposed to eat, but rather than let this seem like a setback, I see it as a reward for two weeks of staying on my stuff.  I will just make up for it tomorrow!

Day 12: Stood Up

Part of the reason it's been kind of hard staying on track on my exercise routine is I don't like exercising. At. All. I don't like running. I don't like the treadmill. I don't like lifting weights. It's just boring and obviously exhausting if you do it right lol. What I did learn this year is that I have a good amount of endurance and have been very successful staying the course when I'm in groups. 

Sisters Together: Move More. Eat Better popped my Zumba cherry. Lawd I was tired, but there were women all sizes, all ages and they did not give up...so I couldn't. It was amazing how jumping around and staying my hips left me dry-mouthed-ded. We met every week to learn about making better food choices then time for the workout. It was imperative that I go to these classes because it was the only exercise I was getting. We did yoga, Zumba and Pound (honey chile get ready to feel the burn). I took a liking to Zumba and started working our with one of my friends at her house twice a week. The routines started getting a little easier. Then I signed up at LA Fitness where the best Zumba instructor, Jennifer Lopez (not J-Lo), made me use muscles I didn't know I had.

I had been going strong about 3 mos and then my daughter graduated and a new level of stress entered my life. I was busy getting things ready for her party. People were coming from our of town and I ended up driving to Chicago three times trying to get a guest back home. 

After all the hooplah I didn't have an ounce if mental energy left and found it hard to get out of the bed the next few days. I was just drained. My days off from the gym turned to weeks...and brought me to now. Two months away from Zumba. Away from eating right. The scale scoffed at me and sent me into an angry fit.

All that work. All that eating right. Flushed down the drain. I had gained back all of the weight of lost + 5 lbs that I'm sure was all birthday cake and ice cream. As frustrating as it is, I refused to give up and accept this pants size staring at me every time I get dressed. 

Now I'm on Beast Mode. I may be back at square one, but I know I can do it. I've made it almost two weeks straight. There's no cycling in the evening on Wednesday so I was going to work out with a friend at her apartment. Just in case she stood me up, I worked out in the morning. 

45 minutes treadmill 

Seated leg press

Abs

Of course I got stood up...my friends are the worst when it comes to helping me stay on track. I know this. I'm not even going to entertain the idea of going over there anymore. Don't need anyone throwing me off my game. This is my journey and it's up to ME to stay on track. I've taken that into account as I set my goals. It was late so I hand washed my car to get more steps in.

Before I went to bed, I got my jump rope from Sisters Together to get my heart rate up them finished out my day with my abs and squat challenge. Today was easy:

10 situps

10 crunches

25 squats

Day 11: Sidetracked

RToday is going to be a challenge to get my steps in and eat right. It is a friends birthday and her gf is having a murder mystery dinner for her. In order to distract her and keep her occupied she wants me to take her to Massage Envy at 5pm today.  That is the time I sign up for cycling.  So, I was so proud of myself for making it back to cycling and I already have to skip a class and there is no class tomorrow. Ugh! I did not go as hard this morning and only got about 4k steps in.  So that means I had to find something to do in the house to get my steps up.

I have been trying to work NTC: Nike Training Club into my routine, but have not been successful yet. Every time I pick up my phone it's to play games, text or browse through the nonsense happening on social media so it's going to take some real concentration. I really want to get it started there are some fabulous workouts in there that I need to get my resistance training incorporated. Stay tuned on that...

Day 10: Cycling

Last week I said I was going to try and make it to cycling class this week. I have to admit I was terrified, but out of all of the workouts I do, I know this is the most effective for me. 

1. It challenges me. 
2. I leave sweating all over my body. 
3. In any other instance, I would not stay on a stationary bike that long.

I went to the gym in the morning just in case I chickened out on cycling. I got in 30 mins of cardio and worked my legs and abs. 

At 4:45, I got dressed and headed to cycling. I was the first to sign up so I could pick my seat in the back corner. It was intense and the music does not do much to motivate me, but I FINISHED!!! That is all that matters.  

My meals were on point, too.
Breakfast: Oatmeal with blueberries
Snack: 2 boiled eggs
Lunch: sandwich
Snack: Trail mix (homemade with dried cranberries, almonds and dark chocolate acai berries)
Dinner: Salmon, rice and broccoli

My water intake for the day was 152 ounces!!! 

Consistency and Accountability!!! If I keep this up, I will be over the hump by December. 

I finished out the night with my 30-Day challenge that I have not missed a day on:
30 situps
40 crunches
60 squats (with weights)


Don't pay attention to the fact I need to repolish my nails lol. First time getting that many steps in at the gym! My goal is 20,000.  It is going to be hard work, but I know I can do it!