Enough is Enough

Well, here goes nothing. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I can remember as early as elementary school being teased about my weight. It never really made a difference to me until high school. I tried out for the basketball team and had to go to the doctor to get a physical. As a freshman in high school, I was 5'11" and 198 pounds. I was a rarity for a female. Tall, dark and beautiful. Unfortunately, at that time in my life, I felt like a gargantuan woman that was not attractive and completely unnoticed by others. I wanted that to change.

I didn't make the basketball team because it was the first time in my life I had done any physical activity other than playing outside with friends. It was so embarrassing lagging behind all of the girls running.  During one practice drill we were running up and down the stairs and I started crying and breathing hard. One of the girls asked if I had asthma. I made a decision at that moment to lose weight. Fitness and healthy eating might as well have been curse words in my house because I never heard them, let alone see them incorporated into our daily routine. I did not know where to start, but I knew the obvious: If I don't eat, I will lose weight. And that I did. I skipped breakfast and lunch at school and only ate dinner at home so my mom would not question me too much about my drastic change in eating habits.

Basketball season started in October, by spring break when we went to Orlando, I was 155 pounds. It felt great! That was 40 lbs in six months. I knew in the back of my head it was not healthy, but I did not care. I became a new person. I was out of my size 16 jeans and shopping for size 10 EVERYTHING! Dresses, skirts, shorts, swimsuits, tank tops. All the big, baggy clothes were a thing of the past and I was determined, so was that girl.

I yo-yoed with my weight a lot ever since then. I would gain 15-20 pounds, but since I was so tall, no one really ever noticed. Except me. I would cut back and mildly exercise until I lost the weight. Then I got pregnant with my daughter. I was terrified of gaining weight and walked everyday, cut out sodas and pork as my way of keeping a balance. I was still young, so I came up with this diet/exercise plan on a whim. I was successful at staying relatively small "for my height" and thankfully had a healthy baby girl.

Fast-forward to two years ago...my daughter would've been 15 at that time. I was a size 12 and pretty much fluctuated with my weight constantly between sizes 10, 12 and 14. At 6'1" tall, this was a size I was very comfortable with. I still was not eating right or regularly exercising. I had mastered losing 15 pounds to fit into a dress if necessary and never felt the need to commit to working out and clean eating.

I had a great job, lived in Atlanta, and was dating my best friend. Life was good. Until, all of those things literally came to an end all at once. My daughter wasn't doing so hot in school, my job was going me the blues and I did not see any room for improvement or pay increases for at least 2 or 3 years and my relationship/friendship was over. I decided to move back to Indiana.

Once back home, the depression set in...heavy.  I gained 10 pounds my first month back. I found a new job that allowed me to work from home. My active lifestyle in Atlanta came to a complete halt and I found myself gaining weight rapidly. 

Now after being here for two years almost to the date, I have gained 60 pounds! This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life including when I was pregnant with my daughter.  I am miserable, but I am determined to stop making excuses.  I have joined LA Fitness, I follow several "get fit" motivational groups on FB and IG.  Most importantly, I have identified that I need to change the way I eat.

Since I have been back home, I have visited two aunts in the hospital for diabetes. There are also, five other family members that have diabetes and I have a cousin that died from it years ago.  There is also high blood pressure in my family.  At this point in my life, I don't know if I can prevent these entirely, but I can at least reduce my risk instead of embracing it.

Today, I start my journey.  I want this blog to hold me track my progress, my setbacks and most of all make me accountable.  I always make excuses to not go to the gym, but why would I continue to sacrifice my happiness and livelihood?  I know I can do it.