Where you been?

My last post was in October, but I haven't slacked off...too much. Of course the holidays set me back a little, but I'm down 30 lbs and eating, feeling and looking better everyday. I'm down from size 18 to 14...my goal is 12...🤗

I'm not working out everyday anymore, but I am getting it in at least 4 days a week. 

I went to VS semi annual sale and bought ONLY workout gear. Then, I raided Targets clearance rack for tanks and bought 4 for $4.50 each. 

Eating more salmon, Brussel sprouts, kale and fruit than ever before. 

Who is this chick? 

I owe it all to prayer, spin class and learning to love myself at any size. The internal battle was harder than physically pushing myself. 

Once I realized how much power I had in me...mentally and physically, the journey became so much easier. 

I'm going to continue posting my struggles and triumphs be bays I like to reflect on how far I've come. Reading my other blogs. I was much more motivated than I am now and it's because I literally had more to lose. Even though I see great results I know I still have to work hard. 

I'm not interested in these overnight success stories I see posted and I don't let them discourage me because we all have different goals. 30 lbs in a month is ridiculous and I truly don't believe people are just going hard in the gym and clean eating. But if they are, great, but that's not my goal.

My goal is to take it slow and learn what my strengths and weaknesses are and how to overcome those weaknesses in a healthy and effective way so this becomes a lifestyle.

Day 42: What's in my fridge?

My goal to eating healthy will be reached if I have everything I need at home.  Working from home causes long hours of sitting and mindless snacking out of boredom.  I don't have anyone dropping in my office to ask a quick question.  I can't peek my head in my neighbors cubicle to gossip about last night's episode of Scandal or HTGAWM.  I am forced to get all of my social interaction on FB.  Oh God, please no more.  I hate FB.  I hate everyone's opinions and force of beliefs on everyone.  There is so much judgment and drama that I would rather work 8 hours straight with no break than to be on FB for more than 10 minutes.  

I am going to do an inventory of my fridge right now so I can get my meal plan and shopping list together.  

In the freezer:
2 packs of hamburger
2 packs of chicken tenders
1 pack of ground turkey
2 packs of boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 NY strip steaks

In the fridge:

2 cartons of almond milk

1 cucumber

2 lemons

1 red pepper

1 green pepper

1/2 red onion

1 apple (I think it is really old)

2 stems of broccoli

Ok...this seems like some basics.  I need to get more fruits and veggies.  Kale and spinach would be nice.  Carrots are good for snacking.  I need some blueberries and bananas for my cereal in the morning. 

Day 40: Reboot

It's September 30th. In October my challenge is not going to work out everyday, but working smart. Ok, so I have proven I can workout on a daily basis even if I'm out of town. Now it's time to get real results with proper workouts and meal planning.

Knowledge is power! I'm too early in the game to have hit a plateau, but there's a reason the scale isn't budging. Food! I documented my workouts, but not my bad eating. Majority of the time I was eating good. Small meals that provided me with protein, fiber and vitamins to build muscle and lose weight, but would lose all of that to one or two nights hanging out with friends.

I've tried to tell people that I have an eating disorder, but since they don't comprehend what that really means, they don't understand my struggle. Therefore, until I can get my mind right so that I don't overindulge, I'm out of the party/lets eat to celebrate scene.

Working out for me is a lot like getting my degree.  I had to say no to lots of trips and parties so that I could study and go to class. Well, I'm somewhat of a student again. I have to learn more about me and what works for me and most importantly what are my triggers.

Sugar and carbs are my weakness!  I absolutely cannot live without the two.  Pasta, rice, bread, potatoes, cookies, cakes...sigh!!!  I know that I do not have to give these up entirely, but I have to cut back A LOT.  I have started eating brown rice.  Ewwww!  Brown rice is gross and anyone that says that it isn't is a big fat liar!  I have started making my own salsa and mix it in the rice with black beans and voila!  Now it is edible.  I replaced my white bread with whole wheat bread.  Not a bad trade off.  Pasta...I don't want to do the cucumber, zucchini pasta that I keep seeing.  Cookie and cakes cannot be replaced.  They have to be reduced.

I hate going over other people's houses or out to eat with a group of people that are not struggling with their weight and watching what they eat.  I always have to explain myself.  That still doesn't work and I have to hear "It's ok.  This is 'kinda' healthy'." WTF is kinda healthy?  If there is gravy or sugar involved, it is not healthy period.  It's like getting a salad and dousing it with dressing.  The salad is healthy, but ruined with 1000 calories in dressing. 

My plan this month is to be very observant of what I eat and restrict myself from foods that will set me back.  I know myself too well to indulge in tastings because they always turn into binges.  I would like to eat 5 small meals a day.  For someone that likes to eat, you would think this would be an easy task.  Au contraire mon frere!  My eating usually goes like this.  No breakfast (that is a horrible way to start your day).  Cereal/sandwich/yesterdays leftovers for lunch.  Boredom snacking all afternoon.  Big dinner. 

I found this meal plan online and think I am going to give it a try this next week and see how it goes:

Meal prep is very important and I need to get better at it.  Sundays are the best days to do so and I am going to go grocery shopping Saturday or Sunday so that I can be ready next week.

Day 38: No More Cheat Days

Soooo...I'm a little behind. I went out of town Saturday and Sunday to Nashville to see the Colts beat the Titans! I had a blast. I still worked out and got my steps in (Sunday), but the rest of the weekend I laid around eating and soaking up the mini vacay!

Then, Yelp had an event at Smashburger. I hopped on the scale and 252 scowls at me. It's like I can't shake it. No matter how hard I work, 252 stays on the scale. I'm sick of this! I'm tired of getting up at 6 in the morning and eating like a bird for 4-5 days straight only to ruin it with one or two days of "cheating" or to put it more bluntly gluttony.

My goal is to lose 20 lbs by the end of the year. At that rate I was going working out, I should be at least halfway there, but nope. I feel so fat. I'm frustrated and angry with myself for allowing myself to gain all of this weight that now seems impossible to lose.

I obviously need to get more serious. To see the results I want. 40 days of working out and only 8lbs gone is pathetic. Especially since I lost 7 in the first week. I know i should be ecstatic about the fact I made it 30 days without missing a single day at the gym, but I just envisioned losing more. What I will NOT do is throw in the towel. I have to be level headed here and take all things into consideration:

1. The scale is the Devil

2. I've made strides toward my goal

3. I see a difference

4. I'm healthier and stronger

5. I'm beautiful and smart regardless

Now...shake this pity party off and get back to it. October is going to be more focused! By the end of the year I will have a new body. 

There are 12 weeks left in this year (sheesh...it's almost over)

Day 33: Away Game

Ok, so after my volunteerism last night, I found myself at TGI Friday's eating an All American Stacked burger.  Someone help me please!!!  I know that set me back two months, but I got up this morning and hit the treadmill.  Why have I been avoiding the stairmaster and the elliptical?  Hmmm, I need to revisit them next week aka Charged Up.  Arms and abs and I'm out this piece.

Not enough though...I decided to go to the LA Fitness by my brother because I have something to do out his way. They have a Spin class on Wednesday evening and my gym doesn't. Back to the nice gym, with the nice equipment and all the well-toned gym rats. 

THE AWAY GAME

Ok, this spinning class was a test of my endurance and will power.  I had to fight mentally to stay the course. Not only was the class intense and challenged all of my gluteus maximus and entire legs to show up and show the F out!  I was dripping with sweat everywhere. I drank two bottles of water throughout the class. Just when I thought it was over, the Pastor posting as the cycling instructor said "Let's do one more song."  Ok, I got one more song in me.  Then, she says it again...and one more time.  By the time the cool down happened, we had been there an extra 15-20 minutes.  

Why?  Why do you play mind games with me?  Why do you not tell me that the class is really an hour and 15 to 20 minutes?  Do you think I will not sign up?  Well, you're right, but that's not the point.  I was expecting 50 minutes and got much more.  BUT, yes, there's a big BUTT!  I did it!  I never thought I could do it and a month ago I don't know if I would've been able to.  

Day 32: The Detox is Dead

I tried to follow the detox regimen, but after four days, I got off track.  I still drink water with lemons and cucumber everyday.  I still try to drink a gallon a day as well.  That is good enough for me.  I am trying to do so much that it is going to make me exhausted with this and I am NOT going to quit this time.

I got up and went to the gym at 6:30 am as usual.  I worked out on the treadmill interval training.  I am able to run longer than when I first started and I am able to increase my speed a little on the inclines.  I worked out my arms and abs and bounced.  

I should have done more because I have to volunteer tonight and I am going to miss spin class.  Nooooo!!!  That means unless I drive out East (or go to another location closer to me) I am not going to spin until Thursday.  No classes are on Friday and I will be out of town on Saturday.  

Hahahaha...I just laughed at myself reading the panic of not exercising enough.  This is a beautiful transition.  I think I am going to be alright.  I will just start fresh next Monday.  No need stressing about it.  If I can make it to another class, great...if not, then it is what it is. Plus, I still have not done any of the Nike Training Club at home.  I have to start incorporating that too.  Pretty soon the streets are going to be covered in snow and who knows what my level of motivation will be then.

Day 31: No Headphones

Nothing is worse than getting to the gym and noticing you forgot your headphones...well, your phone dying is pretty bad too. I got up and drove all the way to the gym only to see that I did not have my headphones.  Somehow I still made it 45 minutes without them.  I skipped the weights and headed home because Spin is tonight.  

However, somehow I made it out to my bro's house and we went out to eat at First Watch.  Very good for you breakfast food.  I had a kale tonic that was really good.  I ate eggs, bacon and half of a waffle.  I know...I am going to feel all of that in class later.  It was really good though.  I love eating there.  One of my favorite breakfast places.  My numero uno has to be Cafe Patachou.  Sheesh! Just typing the restaurants name makes me want some right now! 

I went to the LA Fitness close to my bro and it is much nicer than my home gym.  All of their equipment is newer.  The cardio machines upstairs all have tvs attached to them.  They are lucky...they don't have to look at Donald Trump's hair while trying to get some exercise!  CNN is the only station that seems to be on, but I think there's Channel 4, the worst news station in Indy and ESPN.  At 6 or 7am, there isn't much on any way.  The Spin class was huge and there were tons of bikes.  

Now this instructor was something else.  She was up walking around singing her songs.  Jay-z Empire State of Mind came on and she said "But I ain't a Crip though."  I thought I was going to fall off of my bike.  This is a 50-something year old white woman.  I don't know if I am just petty, but it tickled me.  Her class was more intense, I thought.  She did more jumps and booty work.  It was hard to follow because she was reading the gears differently than Mandy because they have newer bikes.  Grrrrr!!!  

I had a great workout and I really like that gym, but I don't know if I can drive over 30 miles just to workout.  Maybe once a week, but more than that is too much.  OHHHH!!! How could I forget this detail?  I forgot my headphones again!  Uggghhhh!!!! I could not believe it.  I remember pulling them out of my bag, but I must have set them down immediately after and once again I did not notice until I was at the gym.  I am going to invest in a second pair to keep in the car just in case.